Beautyin the Stumble and Fall

Sometimes I think this is just the pattern through which I move through life.  I trip, I fall, and then eventually I get back up.

The difference that I have noticed more recently, is in the amount of time I take between the trip and the point where I get back up.

Throughout much of my adult life, and certainly within the last 3 years, a quick recovery has not really been my style.  In some cases, I can even see the trip coming, and I still end up diving head first into it.  At the point of the fall, I easily become immobilized and I end up staying down for quite some time.  In some cases, I get paralyzed in the fall and end up staying down a lot longer than I needed to.

What I’ve noticed in the last several weeks though is that during moments of the trip and fall, I can swerve a bit and quickly regain my footing, without having to fully commit to the fall itself.  In some situations, I have completely fallen, but my recovery time has improved ten fold and I don’t end up staying down for very long.

I’m learning in all of this, that there is grace and acceptance in the imperfection of the trip.  For someone who is a text-book perfectionist, the ability to accept that there will likely be many trips scattered throughout my life is pretty significant.

Trips are, after all moments of imperfection.  But they are also moments of growth.

The last 3 weeks have been liberally scattered with moments where I have been happy and content.  I typically adore the Christmas season, and admittedly going into this one after everything that has happened during this last year, I wasn’t sure it would be as enjoyable as it has historically been for me.

It’s been pleasantly surprising then, to see that there have been many really lovely moments and that that has been a result of a shift in my perspective.  I’ve allowed others to add in to my moments, but I haven’t relied on them to make the moments for me.  That space within me that has been painfully making its presence known for a while, is something I have been working on filling myself.

To my complete surprise, it is working.

One of the things that has helped most during my moments of stumble and unease, has been the perspective that Ian shared in this video post.  With a lot of my choices and decisions now over the last several weeks, I have questioned whether the decision or choice is one that will help me grow, or if it is one that will keep me where I am.

The trips are okay, and may even over time lessen but they help me grow, rather than paralyze me as I once allowed them to.

With Love,

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Olivia Shaw

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