To and For

This life event only happened because of an event that happened before it, and so on and so forth.

This is a mind-set I am trying to come to terms with, instead of feeling that life is happening TO me.

I have for the most part, always felt as though life has happened TO me, as opposed to FOR me.  I’ve read the inspirational quotes arguing the latter, and Ian has been a constant supporter of it too, but somehow I have always found it difficult to jump on the bandwagon where one believes that everything-especially the unpleasant and more challenging aspects of life, happen for a reason.

While I understand that this is a perpetual thing, and not something that randomly pops in and out of one’s life at seemingly unpredictable moments, I do feel as though I am currently caught in the upswell of one of these moments, where I am beginning to see that a string of events have lead me right to where I am today, with the current opportunities and prospects that lie before me.

I am, admittedly caught in between feelings of extreme excitement and paralyzing fear.  I can’t help but imagine and envision the kind of freedom that may come along with a certain project that has been afforded to me.  At the same time, I am busy trying to find all of the potential pitfalls.  I am anxiously awaiting what I fear will be the inevitable dropping of the other shoe.

In waiting to see how this new and exciting prospect will unfold, I am being given a tremendous opportunity to let go.  To let go of the conditioning that has been a strong presence all my life.  To let go of the expectations placed on me by others.  To let go of my incessant and second nature people pleasing ways.

I am being given an opportunity to actually begin living my life for myself.  Not for my family.   Not for how society says I should live it.  Not in how the norms of my generation stipulate it should be done.

Just for me.  By me.  For me.

With Love,

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Olivia Shaw

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